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December 01, 2005
Here we go again
I know what bedrest is. I've been there, done that.
So when I was told this morning that I would be going on bedrest, one would think that I would just shrug and sigh and easily say, ok!
Oh no.
First came the expletive of the F kind, to which my doctor replied, "Well, that's one way to put it."
Then came the explosive, wracking tears that came and went for about an hour.
I went into labor and delivery to be put on a monitor, to see if I was having additional contractions that I wasn't aware of. I wasn't. Huge relief. That means I'm not on medication, at least yet, and that means I don't need to stay overnight in the hospital to be monitored. A small victory.
So yes, I may know bedrest, but I don't know THIS bedrest. I don't know bedrest with a toddler. I don't know bedrest without the supposed security blanket of medication...
But I do know this:
It's better to figure out what this bedrest is all about than to have a premature baby born at almost 28 weeks.
It's better for Gus to not have me pick him up for nine weeks than it is for me to be spending three months going back and forth to the hospital to take care of a premie.
It's better for me to work from home than to try to figure out what exactly it is about my days that have allowed me to get to this point.
Where my cervix was 'thick and long' a month ago, it is now half the length, and just ever-so-slightly dialated, just a fingertip.
Baby is doing very well, moving and kicking and his heartrate was fantastic. He's great, and thankfully so.
I can't beat myself up for this as I don't even really know what it is about the last month that caused it, but I silently berate myself every so often for the frequent lifting of things, for rushing to meetings, for just generally keeping up a silly pace when slowness and deliberateness was called for. But that's neither here nor there. It's done. Now my goal is to keep said cervix at 50% until I'm at 36 weeks. I did it with Gus, I can do it with *****.
It's better for me to pass the 'everything' torch to my sweet, sweet John, even though it is going to be difficult to just sit back and watch him juggle everything. I've already promised to keep up the good Peapod fight, so at least one weekly chore is off his plate. And bills! I can do bills. I even think I can give Gus a bath if he puts Gus in the bathtub, but I don't know if John agrees with me. I am so lucky to have John with me on this crazy journey.
But now I must turn to the ever-present positives:
1. I don't need to buy snow boots now, or at least until February.
2. I have a great excuse for not fixing my hair everyday.
3. I don't have to worry about going into labor at work downtown.
4. I really don't have to worry about having a long labor now since my cervix is obviously getting ready early.
5. I'm lucky that John works where I work and can bring stuff back and forth for me.
6. I no longer have easy access to McDonald's, and therefore will most likely not gain as much weight as I would have out in the world.
It's funny, I think I really knew it was going to happen today, I had felt some changes going on but I wanted to just brush them off to being normal growing pains. But I knew.
Here's the countdown, folks: We need to keep baby D2 in there for at least 57 more days. January 28th is when I'll be 36 weeks.
It's only 57 days, right?
We're getting cable.
Posted by janna at December 1, 2005 04:57 PM
Comments
Oh man, I had guessed just the other day that you were already at 30 weeks and was SO convinved you were going to make it through this time! Sorry to hear that you are back on the couch with a laptop overheating your lap. Sounds like your usual positive spirit will come shining through, after of course, the requisite "F" exclamation.
Also, while you can't pick up Gus, you can definitely still CUDDLE. And that's just the best.
Posted by: Ann Marie at December 1, 2005 06:37 PM
Oh, Janna! I wish I could come cook a few dinners for you guys. A big hug for you and *****. How do you guys pronounce that, anyway? Heh heh.
Hang in there. I thought of you Wednesday night as I was watching Lost... With all the suspense and revelations, all I could keep saying was, "Dude!" I know. Sparkling wit.
Posted by: Anna at December 2, 2005 12:09 PM
Oh, my. I, too, had begun to assume that you would be able to avoid the couch. So sorry to hear the news. I know you must be disappointed. Understandable. On to things that I am happy about. (it is all still about me, right?) I am happy that you are you. Simple thought, I know. However, Janna, I do not know anyone else who would embrace the positives like you do. You have been that way your entire life. I am happy that Gus is the age that he is. If he were smaller, he would need you more in a physical sense and if her were bigger, his activities and schedule would be more complex. He really is able to come to you, and as Anna said in her comment, "you can still cuddle. And that is just the best." I am so glad that you have family and friends like Anna. You will have people who want to pamper you the way you should be! I am so happy that you have made it this far without the couch. You cheated time alittle bit, and that is great. I am so happy that you have a great Dr. who is watching you closely. I am thrilled that you do not need the Terbutaline at this time. Great news in itself. Remember, I am a therapist and I know how that can make you feel even when you need it. I am most happy that you have John and he will be there for you and Gus and baby *****, and he will have that cable connected and he will haul in McDonald's (and hopefully those Reece's PB cups too) once in a while and he will bring the outside inside, and best of all he will be thrilled when you are able to take back your independence. Lucky Girl! If there is anything you or the "boys" need, please let me know. I am thinking of you and counting down the days with you. Okay, now, get the Food network on and start watching Paula Dean so we can have a cook fest one of these days soon! Love you tons,
Aunt Deb (the 1st and best one!)
Posted by: Aunt Deb at December 4, 2005 09:26 AM