Babydays: Careful what you ask for

January 03, 2005

Careful what you ask for

I said in my last entry that I have loved every minute of being home with Gus, and I totally meant it. I did not, however, mean to send some crazy signals into the cosmos which then, in turn, infected Gus with bronchitis and an ear infection.

I am not lying.

This morning Gus woke up with the worst-sounding, hoarsest cough/cry. Despite this, I convinced myself for an hour that he would be okay. I was dressed, getting my bag ready to go, when I heard him kind of wheezing a bit as he crawled to me.

So I stayed home.

We went to the doctor, and while we waited FOR AN HOUR (!), Gus seemed happy, and why wouldn't he be? It was the first time he had seen little people in eons and it was like he was drinking from water for the first time in two weeks, so thirsty was he for other kiddies.

But then the time passed, the cough came, and I remembered why we were there. And all those self-critical moments I had hours before, of being too worried, too jumpy, too presumptive, too self-diagnosing (I love the Internet) were totally washed away. If I have not learned yet, I have to learn to just trust my instinct, to not worry about if the doctor will think I'm silly, work will think I'm silly, friends will think I'm silly. In this case, it was critical to get him on meds right away, but what if it hadn't? So I would have been out 15 dollars, I would have had an extra day snuggling with Gus, and my weird worrisome nature about other peoples' perceptions of me would have been fed a bit more.

So here's a resolution: give people the chance to create the chatter, don't jump the gun and do it for them (especially when most of the time it will never even cross their minds... does this make me pompous, to think that people would even take that much time to concern about my intentions?).

And another resolution (I know, I said no resolutions, but it's an entirely different day): Trust that I am a good mom (I prefer Mama, actually...).

Think good, happy, healthy thoughts for Gus, he needs them. He's home tomorrow, too. His fever went higher today, poop.

Posted by janna at January 3, 2005 11:31 PM