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January 23, 2007
Parent like your hair is on fire.
There's a new book out by Rafe Esquith, a Los Angeles public school teacher, in which Esquith details out his amazing teaching methods. I have yet to read it, but from what I saw of Esquith on a PBS documentary, I know it will be worth my time.
Just hearing the title made me think about parenting...when I'm tuned out or turned off, the environment is ripe for misunderstandings, blow ups, tantrums and tears. But when I'm on... it's a whole different world.
It got me to thinking: How can I be 'ON' more often?
The past several days have been challenging and eye-opening for Gus, John and I. (Eli is still here.... he's just dealing with his own set of challenges, like walking, teeth, and general frustration at us stopping him from climbing). But Gus, being of older and more complicated dealings, is definitely feeling some growing pains. He feels everything so intensely, so rapidly, that it is often hard to keep up with what he's feeling, why he's feeling it, and how we should best respond.
To that end, when I'm 'off', the confusion is heightened. I don't mirror his emotions back to him well, I don't give him new ways to express himself....I basically just react, which starts a chain reaction of confusion. When I'm 'on' (=parenting like my hair is on fire), I can turn his mood around in less than a minute, helping him vocalize his feelings rather than melting down.
It comes down to this: He needs the boundaries we provide, he needs us to recognize and give him the words to say to express his intense feelings, and he needs us most of all to be compassionate and non-judgemental. It's the difference between saying, "There's no reason to cry," and saying, "It must have been frustrating for you." Let him feel what he feels, but give him alternatives to expressing it.
In the end, we are a safe place for Gus to fall. And anyway, these experiences are only confirming what I suspected: We are SO parents now. And it is the hardest job I will ever have.
Posted by janna at January 23, 2007 09:07 PM
Comments
I read this comment and it made me smile because I remember those days as if they were yesterday. The interesting thing about it is that even at 16 and 18, the same sentiments apply. Communication, stopping to think and listen more closely still make such a difference. You and John are wonderful parents, never doubt it. I can't tell you how many times I have told people that parenting is the hardest and the best job I have every had.
Posted by: Aunt Deb at January 27, 2007 03:13 PM