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February 03, 2005
How long can I do this?
There are so many ways you could interpret the subject of this entry.
How long can I open junk mail?
How long before I crack under the pressure of finding the perfect dinner for Gus?
No.
I've been wondering this: How much longer can I keep writing about Gus before it exposes too much or I am not protecting his privacy? I read an article in the New York Times last weekend about "Mommy Blogs", and one of the issues was this one. How long before you're writing to satisify your own needs at the expense of your child's integrity?
Sure, it's funny now when I write about how Gus crawled away from me after I stripped him down for a bath, and then he sat on the cold, hard tile and peed. It's cute when I talk about how Gus is learning how to assert himself and make demands. When does it become perceived as teasing or a giving him a hard time?
For example. Let's say Gus is six, and there is an incident where Gus takes a piece of candy from the bulk candy bin at the grocery store and eats it without paying for it (Note: I have no idea who in their right mind would do this, particularly from the Hy-Vee store that you would eventually work at as a teenager, and all of its good years it would give you as first a sacker, cashier, video clerk and customer service rep! Who would take a lousy piece of candy from such an establishment?). So back to Gus. He's six, he's stolen. Would I write about it? Who would read it? Would he read it? Would readers say something to Gus about it directly, like, 'Why did you do that?' How embarassed would Gus be? In how many ways have I violated his trust, and lacked compassion?
Perhaps I wouldn't write about it, even if compelled. There are certainly many things I don't write about now, although many of those things are about myself and I censor myself based on knowing who will read. As I write now, I can tell I can fool myself into thinking I'm writing into some kind of private journal. It's not until someone remarks on something I've only written about and have yet to talk about that I remember this is a public forum. We're not talking a gazillion people here, but I suspect some of you reading this right now I either don't know, I do know but don't see very often, or you're family. (thanks for checking in on Gus!)
It started as a way to cope with bedrest. Then it became a way to capture the pregnancy. Then it became the digitial babybook. I think it's still that, but I think I will be more cognizant of my topics. I guess this could be my lithmus test: If Gus was seven years old, would I tell a stranger the story I'm about to write while Gus was standing there? If so, how does Gus react to me telling this story about him? Does he giggle? Does he feel proud? If so, write away. If I think he would hide his face, feel any kind of betrayal or embarassment, I should not write it.
Posted by janna at February 3, 2005 10:53 PM